I’m not me when I’m Hungry

There are three things my husband knows about me.

My sweet and patient personality immediately dissolves whenever I am; a). hungry b). tired, and c). and that I’m actually not sweet or patient.

Let’s begin at the top.

a). We were in Target the other night and we came across the most incredible marketing tactic I’ve seen from Snickers in all my life- see picture above. While my mouth dropped open, he made a bee line for the box and grabbed “drama mama.” “What?!” I said to him, but more to the cashier, “As if!” I scooted back over to the box and grabbed him a couple bars of “confused” and we checked out.

b). I like sleep. I don’t like bad sleep. I only like good sleep. I need certain pillows in certain positions. I need the blanket. Entirely to myself. And I will slide my daughter out from underneath it if she invades our bed at 2am. I will take it right off his shoulders and coyly replace it with a fleece my little pony blanket in dire circumstances. Also, I don’t want to be touched while I am sleeping. Don’t accidentally brush up against me, and daughter, for sure don’t get too comfortable snuggled there between my calves. Because I’m outie. With the blanket. With my pillows. And with no shame.

Because I had a traumatizing sleep experience about four and a half years ago. It’s called- a newborn. Not just any newborn. A nursed newborn who wanted to move her living quarters back inside me. If she would’ve had her way, we would’ve been Siamese mom and daughter, but I don’t think they make that. So she didn’t sleep and I didn’t sleep and I nursed for two years, mostly out of bare bones desperation. Sleep, baby, SLEEP.

c). You know how I seem sweet on here. And I’m like, look how I’m such a great mom. I mean for sure I try. But let’s be honest, behind closed doors, I kind of don’t want to play ponies for six hours. And why is it that everything she wants me to do involves a “mommy come with me!” Why can’t some of it be “mommy stay right here, I’m bringin’ the fun to you!”

Bring me the food and the fun; I’ll be right here in bed. Watching a Robert Downey Jr. movie. Visitors are welcome.

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