Alright so everyone complains about how we skip right over Thanksgiving. Well I’m going to pause right at Thanksgiving, and give an assessment.
Thanksgiving week often brings people into town; family members you see maybe once or twice a year, things like that. And those people are instrumental because they’re fundamentally a part of your upbringing and their arrival shifts tectonic plates that subsequently recreate your childhood before your very eyes.
I’ve decided I love this. And also, I dread it.
I love it because who doesn’t want their four year old to see their far away living relatives. It’s part of the creation of her little sense of family, it helps her to see random parts of your personality that she doesn’t often get to see. Especially the parts that were formed when you were her age.
Like take for example, my brother is in town. Him being in town is the bombdiggity because of the following reasons; he always wants to travel and do stuff, and he knows how to convince your dad we need to drive thirty minutes out of the way to enjoy some lunch place of yumness that you all seem to forget to go to on a regular basis. Your daughter brings out this charm in him that only you knew existed, being little sister.
But then what happens every time, and I often forget… Or suppress… That his arrival puts me RIGHT BACK into little sister mode, youngest daughter mode, can anybody hear me maybe I need to make a loud and inappropriate joke mode.
So last night, I did what any good Buddhism-reading westerner does; I tried to just.. notice it. Become aware of the need to crack loud jokes to get the attention back onto me.
And let me tell you, it was spiritual.
No it wasn’t. Noticing it made the clicks in my brain start clicking more loudly. Trying to hold it back made my legs start tapping the floor more feverishly. Wait. What did those books say again? Noticing is magic? Or was there some other extra step? I can’t remember! I want to make a loud joke! But I’ve already made nine annoying and irrelevant jokes in the past six minutes! What are they are talking about right now? This feels like a grown-up conversation. I have nothing to add. I must not be a real grown-up! I was a grown-up last week though. I think? Why is this happening? When are we going for ice cream? Why does my daughter get something in the gift shop now and I never do anymore? When did I stop getting stuff in the gift shops! Where is my blanket! I want mozzarella sticks! She’s so adorable right? I’m still adorable too! Am I not still adorable too? Is this a problem? This feels like a problem.
Hmm. I bet we’re going for ice cream today. Maybe they’ll take me to the lake so we can go paddle-boating.
I’ll have to ask.